Say something about gay babies.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
