I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
