totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
