the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
