i used baking grease as lip gloss
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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