Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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