Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
