I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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