: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Ketchup is God's man juice
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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