Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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