I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
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