you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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