Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
