he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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