I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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