I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
