Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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