well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
