Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize