He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
