He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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