just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
4 words: hood of his car
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
