NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize