So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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