third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think your dad took our porno
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
