It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
