oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
