Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
