How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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