If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
