if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I did not marry a roomba.
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