I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
