it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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