Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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