Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize