so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
