so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
