They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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