And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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