weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
