every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
