she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
