and next time when you feel me up, do it right
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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