I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
