Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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