I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
