operation harelip BJ is a go
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
