Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
