He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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