never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
