he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
