I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize