I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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