I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
