He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
