bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
