RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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