I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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