she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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