I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
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