An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
