i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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