I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize