so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
