I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
