when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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