he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
