Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
