Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize