Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
