she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
