my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
