so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
