I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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