I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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