You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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